I want to start writing about what's going on right away, but if anyone finds this they'll probably want to know what's going on.

I'm a non-traditional college student, technically, because I'm over 23. I go to a college full of rich perfect people that party and have loads of crazy fun, but I don't fit in so I'm never invited. I have terrible social skills, so I have very few friends. I have problems with honesty, to put it lightly; I rarely tell the truth. I don't like myself very much but I don't know how to change, and I can't afford a therapist.

I'm old enough that I should have some independence but thanks to my parents I have none. I have almost nothing that I can call my own, though I live in comfort. I've almost been kicked out of my college twice, but thanks to lie-fu I've gotten back in and allowed to continue. I'm tired of all of this. I want to get up in the morning and know that I'm going to have a day without any problems that I made for myself for no good reason. I want someone to like me, not this defensive loud character that I play to everyone who knows me. It's too late to change here at this school, my reputation is already too deeply cemented. And I don't know if I can change anywhere else, because these reactions are so ingrained in me, I don't even realize I've done it til it's too late to do anything about it.

Suddenly my desire to write has left me. Time to go think for a while.